Many couples
giving up sex in months before wedding
By DAVID YOUNT
Scripps Howard News Service
February 17, 2003
- Although more than half of couples
now live together before deciding to wed, sociologists
David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe of Rutgers University have
revealed that such couples are much more likely to
divorce than those who make the plunge into commitment
from Day One.
Larry Bumpass, a sociologist at the
University of Wisconsin, believes it's because cohabiting
couples remain skeptical about marriage even after tying the
knot. In England, 95 percent of cohabiting couples break
up within 10 years of marrying.
Aware of the sour statistics of
divorce, an increasing number of couples are giving up
sex in the months before their wedding. According to
sex therapist Julia Cole, a period of restraint in the
run-up to the altar is becoming surprisingly common. "It's
almost like a rite of passage," she says, "a
hankering back to the way it was done years ago."
In the American Bible belt, abstinence
before marriage has become the norm. Many clergy demand it,
refusing to marry sexually active couples. Cole warns that
abstinence does not restore virginity, but does believe that
"it can be a way of saying that the wedding is a
special event, of putting a special symbolism on making love
when you are first married."
She adds: "I see so many
couples who cohabited for five years or so, then got married
- and six months later everything went wrong. There
really is nothing like being married. Couples who have
been together for a long time sometimes think it's just a
case of signing a piece of paper. Anything you can do to
make the transition register, to add to that feeling that
this is a very special event, is well worth it."
Meg Holmes, 28, a health administrator,
has agreed to her fiancé’s suggestion to abstain in the
months leading up to their planned June wedding. She
acknowledges that attempting to cleanse or re-virginize the
wedding night for religious reasons would be hypocritical,
but is still affected by her Christian upbringing.
"When I started university,
I went to church and intended to wait until I was married
before having sex - but it was too difficult. I admire
people who have the strength to do it. I still consider
myself a Christian, and when Paul and I moved in together,
he realized it was a bigger deal for me than it was for him.
That's partly why he suggested stopping sex before the
marriage. It's to make the wedding night different, more
romantic, more loving, rather than 'the usual.' "
Corinne Usher, a clinical psychologist,
cautiously agrees, but warns that "sex is one of the
biggest barometers of a relationship, and if you're not very
careful, the period of abstinence could become a power
struggle. It really has to be agreed equally - and for the
same reasons."
(David
Yount's latest book is "What Are We to Do? Living
the Sermon on the Mount" (Sheed & Ward). He
answers readers at P.O. Box 2758, Woodbridge, VA 22193 and
dyount(at)erols.com.)
My Comment:
God has known what is best for us from
the beginning… often, we (all of us) choose unwisely.
However, He makes all things new and can and does
cleanse us from all unrighteousness…
He can make you a pure
virgin in his eyes… and removes any shame we
have taken on or been given!
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