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CHALLENGING
IDEAS FOR ACTION-ORIENTED DADS
from
Dr. Ken Canfield
&
the NATIONAL CENTER for FATHERING
©
Copyright 2003 National Center for Fathering
May
9, 2003
What's
New ...
"Either
fathers are more important to boys, or boys are more important to
fathers," concluded Professor Shelly Lundberg, a University of Washington
economist, in a study published in the forthcoming issue of Demography.
After analyzing data from a national study of 600 children born to single
mothers, she found that unmarried mothers of boys were 11 percent more likely
to get married compared to unmarried mothers of girls. Could it be that the
mothers of these boys feel it's important to have a man involved in raising
their sons?
Even
more striking is that an unmarried mother of a boy was 42 percent more likely
to marry her son's father --
compared with a mom of a daughter. Could sons be more important to fathers
than daughters? "These studies are telling us something," Lundberg
said. Her colleague, associate professor Elaina Rose, added this comment:
"Some men probably see a biological son as their immortality. It's a
little 'me.'"
To
Think About ...
While
moms and dads may believe that fathers are more important to boys, daughters
don't seem to agree. Listen to these two daughters speak about the importance
of their fathers:
In
an extensive ethnographic interview, one forty-year-old woman, Sarah, spoke of
how her lack of a father in the home during childhood had a negative impact on
her identity and her relationships with other men. Sarah's issue is an eating
disorder. She said, "As a little girl, I dreamed of sitting in my
father's lap and hearing him tell me how beautiful I was. It never happened.
So I would sit and eat, thinking one day he would notice me. That was over
thirty years ago." Now she is 100-plus pounds overweight and believes her
addiction to food is rooted in her father's abandoning her as a child.
One
of the essays submitted in our current Father of the Year Essay Contest
summarizes the feelings and yearnings daughters have for their dads. A twelfth
grader wrote, "I want my dad to open up. Tell me you love me and give me
a hug. It can't be that hard, right? I need to know that you really do care.
That would make all the difference in the world. I know it would."
In
the Trenches ...
In
contests from South Florida to Seattle, over 135,000 children wrote essays
about "What My Father Means to Me." We are completing the selection
process for the winning essays, and are beginning to interview fathers and
father figures in the fourteen markets. The selection process will continue
for the next four weeks. For more details and names of winning essayists,
visit the contest
home page.
ACTION
POINTS for Committed Fathers
1.
When you talk to your mom this weekend, remind her of a special memory
you have of her.
2.
Discuss with your children how they can really bring honor to their
mother. Share with them how you have honored your mom. Invest your time (and
maybe a few bucks) in helping them honor her in their special way.
3.
As you celebrate Mother's Day, make a positive investment in future
generations of mothers by affirming your daughter, a niece, or a daughter of a
single mom.
4.
Reach out to a single mom and see that she is honored for all that
she's doing as a mom.
5.
Read author and speaker Gary Smalley's thoughts on what it means to
honor someone. Click here.
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____________________________________
NATIONAL
CENTER for
FATHERING
10200
W. 75th Street, Suite 267
Shawnee
Mission, KS 66204 USA
Phone
913-384-4661 - Fax 913-384-4665
www.fathers.com
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