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Bringing
Singles and Family Ministry Together
Association
of Marriage and Family Ministries
Monday,
June 11, 2007 -
By
Dr. Rob Rienow
Family
Pastor, Wheaton Bible Church www.visionaryparenting.com
If a church begins the journey of
developing a family ministry, one of the first questions that will
arise is, “What about those in our church who single?” Here are
five brief thoughts that may help your church move unity of heart,
mind, and mission on this critical issue.
1. The Bible doesn’t pit singleness
against marriage In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul confronts the Corinthians
on the fact that they were arguing about whether being single was
better than being married. Some
of the people in the church were saying, “it is good for a man not
to marry.” Paul draws them away from this unbiblical line of
thinking. The Scriptures do not put being in single in conflict with
being married. Rather,
the calling to marriage is celebrated, and the calling to singleness
is celebrated.
2. Family ministry should seek to
nurture all family relationships
Family ministry does not simply mean, “ministry to parents
and their kids.” There are many different kinds of family
relationships, and all
matter to God. All the ministries of the church should give priority
to encouraging and fostering healthy family life up, down, and
the sides of the family tree.
3. Family ministry can help provide a
deep level of authentic community for singles.
Many of our singles feel lonely and socially fragmented. How
can the community
respond in a meaningful way to this need? Starting a
group is a fair response, but it should not end there. We owe
them than creating a new homogenous program of the church “just
for them.”
need opportunities in our regular programming where kids,
married adults, and single adults can develop relationships with one
another. One possible programmatic solution to this is to encourage
the formation of Community Groups that are multi-generational. What
if you had discipleship small groups at your church that were made
up of singles, seniors, parents, kids, and teens?
4. Pay attention to all life stages
in your teaching, writing, and publicity. Work hard as a ministry
team to keep your language inclusive rather exclusive. For those of
you that preach or teach, be sure to give
applications and illustrations that directly speak to various
life stages. It helps to create a welcoming culture when pastors say
from the pulpit, “Let me talk with those of you who are kids or
teenagers about how this passage might apply to your life right
now.” “Perhaps you are here and you are a grandparent, what
might this mean for you today?”
5. Work diligently to help staff,
elders, and lay leaders in the church think biblically about the
gift of celibacy. I have a great concern that the church is sending
a damaging and confusing message to some of our singles. The message
is this, “If you are single, you must have the gift of
singleness/celibacy, therefore embrace your singleness.” The
problem with this message is that it equates the state of being
single, with having the gift of celibacy. As a result many of our
singles are crying out in pain saying, “If singleness is a gift
from God, why am I sad and lonely?” The problem comes when we are
not clear biblically and theologically about the relationship
between being single and the gift of singleness. Reformation
theologians, particularly Luther[1], gave solid voice and
understanding to the biblical gift of celibacy. The historical
understanding of this gift is that if a person has the gift of
celibacy they do not have a desire for marriage, children, and can
live without the temptation toward lust. The Scriptures are clear
that this gift of celibacy is a good gift, and is given so that a
person can be completely focused on their particular calling in
ministry. We need to actively help those who are single prayerfully
discern if they have this gift from the Lord. For the man or woman
who has this gift, we should affirm them in their calling, and not
push them, playfully or seriously, toward dating or marriage. On the
other hand, if a single person has the desire to be married, has the
desire for children, and has a desire for sex, then this is an
indication that they do not have the gift of celibacy. In that
situation, the Christian community should do everything it can to
encourage that single person to be preparing for marriage and
parenting, and to assist them in any way possible in finding a godly
spouse.
Final Thoughts
Secular society seeks to pit
different groups against each other. Races are set in conflict. Rich
and poor are set in conflict. These conflicts are contrary to
Scripture, and they are a poison to the local church. What will it
take for your church to break out of the battle that society has set
up between those who are single and those who are married? Unity
begins with Scripture, then moves to our relationships, and finally
to our programs and church structures. I pray that God will give
your church increasing
unity of heart, mind, and practice on these important questions.
*******
Rob Rienow has been married to Amy
for 12 years and they have four children. He serves as the Family
Pastor at Wheaton Bible Church, in Wheaton, IL (www.wheatonbible.org).
He has also founded Visionary Parenting (www.visionaryparenting.com),
a ministry designed to inspire parents and equip churches to reach
the coming generations for Christ.
[1]
http://theologica.blogspot.com/2005/01/martin-luthers-reform-of-marriage-part_31.html
Association of Marriage and Family Ministries
http://www.amfmonline.com/
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