The Fatherhood Movement and Marriage
by Nisa Islam Muhammad Staff Writer, Final Call
Newspaper June 6, 2002
From Smart Marriages
6/18/02
http://www.smartmarriages.com
This article, published in The Final Call Newspaper, the
largest weekly serving the Black community, was written by
Nisa Muhammad who will present a workshop at the Smart
Marriages conference #405 "Reviving Marriage in the
Black Community". The article quotes Rozario
Slack who will co-chair session #813, "Teach-In:
Transforming Communities Grassroots Style" on Sunday
and will present the workshop, #508 "Changing a
Culture: First Things First".
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The Fatherhood Movement and Marriage
Nisa Islam Muhammad Staff Writer, Final Call Newspaper June
6, 2002
Washington, DC-Thomas Read, a 21-year-old single dad with a
four year old and his second baby on the way, is a good
example of the dilemma facing the Fatherhood Movement.
He was recently recognized at the Fourth Annual
International Fatherhood Conference with a "Spirit of
Fatherhood" Award for turning his life around and
developing a great relationship with his son, Dezmond.
"Why do we keep rewarding single fathers?" asked
Thabiti Boone, author, national activist and fatherhood
advocate as he watched Mr. Read accept his award.
"We have to stop praising fathers for doing what's
expected with their children. We have to praise
fathers for marrying the mother's of their children.
That's something to reward these days. Marriage has to
be on the
minds of young men and we have to be the ones to give it to
them."
When asked about marriage, a puzzled look came across Mr.
Read's face and he said, "I'm thinking about it."
When asked if he planned on marrying the mother of either
his born and unborn children, he said, "I don't know
but I do plan on being involved in the life of my
children."
Being involved in the life of their children is a standard
issue answer for those in the fatherhood movement but where
does being someone's husband enter the picture?
"Marriage is an individual decision," explained
Dr. Jefferey M. Johnson, president and CEO of the National
Center for Strategic Nonprofit Planning and Community
Leadership (NPCL), which sponsored the International
Fatherhood Conference.
"It is the ideal circumstance for raising children but
where marriage is not possible, team parenting is not an
option. Marriage is a choice, team parenting is
not."
Marriage is a choice but at the International Fatherhood
Conference, the issue of marriage was not a choice out of
the numerous workshops offered to participants.
Workshop selections ranged from "Co-parenting" to
"Child
Support 101" to "How to be a Better Man".
"While marriage was not a workshop topic, it was talked
about here," said
Dr. Johnson. "No one can deny the fact
that marriage is something to aspire to. We help our
clients aspire to their dreams."
"If marriage is a part of their dreams, we help them
to get there."
Mr. Boone disagrees with that approach, "If marriage
was instituted properly many of these fatherhood programs
would be out of business. As long as men think they'll
be pacified for what they don't do, they won't do it."
"We need funding for counseling, developing and
maintaining relationships instead of maintaining divided
homes."
In America, marriage is a social institution in need of
restoration. In the Black community with out of
wedlock births at more than 70 percent, more and more people
are bringing marriage into the discussion with fathers.
"If we don't tell them they need to get married, how
will they know? We have to hold up the highest
principle for these men which is marriage," said
Rozario Slack, M. Div., Director of Fathering and Urban
Initiatives for First Things First.
"I've accomplished more in the last nine years because
I have a wife expecting me to do something. If I was
single and had children by different women, I'd have baby
mama drama and I'd be staying the same."
He went on to say, "We have to teach our boys and young
men that they can tame their sexual desires. I am
proud to say that I don't have children out of wedlock.
Not many of us can say that."
According to the 2000 US Census, there were 2 million single
fathers, up from 393,000 in 1970. There was roughly one
single father for every five single mothers in 2000,
compared with about one for every nine in 1970.
Among these fathers 10 percent were raising three or more of
their own children under 18. Forty five percent were
divorced; 34 percent had never married; 17 percent were
married with an absent spouse; and 4 percent were widowed.
The issue of fathers is also a concern of the President.
His budget for the Department of Health and Human
Services requests $20 million to launch a new initiative to
promote responsible fatherhood and healthy marriages.
Most of the money would be awarded in competitive grants
to faith-based and community organizations for skill-based
marriage and parenting education, job training and other
services that help fathers provide emotional and financial
support to their children.
"Our job is to encourage the formation and maintenance
of healthy two-parent married families and responsible
fatherhood" as one of the goals of the Temporary
Assistance for Needy Families program (TANF), explained Dr.
Wade F. Horn, Assistant Secretary for Children and Families
in HHS.
This agency supports efforts to identify successful
approaches to strengthen and support families by encouraging
the formation and maintenance of healthy marriages and
improving relationships and parenting.
"The cry has come to the frontlines for us to address
this issue," said Tyrone Parker, director of the
Alliance of Concerned Men. "Our community has
suffered without marriage, especially our boys. The
lack of not having
male role models in the home has created problems."
"The incarcerated population is full of young men who
didn't have the benefit of married parents in their home.
We can say marriage is not a necessity but it is a necessity
if you subscribe to a perfect order."
At the Institute for Responsible Fatherhood and Family
Revitalization under the direction of Charles Ballard,
marriage and fatherhood go hand in hand or rather door to
door.
"A significant part of our work is helping fathers
develop the best relationship with their children's mother.
We discuss marriage and guide them to be successful in their
decision to marry. Children do better within
marriage. We know this, the statistics show this and
we promote this."
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