Working
on Your Marriage -- at Work
Realizing
That a Happy Staff Is More Productive,
Employers Offer Relationship Training
THE WALL
STREET JOURNAL
May 31, 2007
By
RACHEL EMMA SILVERMAN
People
often complain they are married to their jobs. Now, some companies
are helping employees work on their marriages, on the job.
A
small but growing number of companies have implemented training
programs designed to help employees strengthen their marriages or
other personal relationships. Some companies are motivated by
religious values to encourage strong marriages and families. But
now, amid evidence that divorce and relationship stress can make
workers less efficient, more companies have begun offering marriage
training programs with an eye to keeping their businesses running
more smoothly and profitably.
Some
employers are offering their workers free marriage or relationship
education classes at corporate retreats, with spouses encouraged to
attend. Others sponsor lunch-and-learn sessions at which workers
hear speakers on relationship skills, like more diplomatic ways to
fight with their spouses, or they provide audio programs with
relationship tips for workers to listen to while driving. At some
companies, the programs are aimed mainly at employees who are being
transferred, which can create friction in a marriage.
After
an executive at Gregg Appliances Inc., an appliance and electronics
retail chain based in Indianapolis, became concerned that workers
were being unproductive or leaving the company because of marital
stresses, the firm began sponsoring marriage training classes at
corporate retreats in Florida for its general managers and their
spouses. This year's session, which focused on finances, featured a
version of the "Newlywed Game," so couples could gauge how
well they really knew each other's financial habits.
Ed
Koplin, a principal at X-nth Inc., an engineering firm based in
Orlando, Fla., wanted to help his employees learn how to relate
better to each other and to those outside of work. One important
skill: how to listen more effectively, so the other party feels more
understood. "These are life skills that will help you at work
and help you at home," says Mr. Koplin, who works at the firm's
Baltimore office.
Howard
Yocum, a senior electrical engineer at X-nth, says the course has
helped prevent his domestic arguments from escalating into bigger
fights. "Instead of using fight-talk, I change it into more of
a discussion-type thing," Mr. Yocum says.
Marriage
training sessions are part of growing trend of employers offering
programs -- from weight-loss regimes to childcare -- aimed at
helping workers become happier, with the additional goal of making
them more industrious.
Productivity
lost from marriage and relationship stress can cost employers some
$6 billion annually, according to an estimate cited in a new report,
"Marriage and Family Wellness: Corporate America's
Business?" sponsored by the Marriage CoMission, a marriage
strengthening advocacy group in Atlanta. Another study cited in the
report found that in the year following divorce, employees lost an
average of four weeks of work. (The report is available at http://www.marriagecomission.com/go/corporate.)
"Unhappily
married employees decrease profitability. Those in failing
relationships can hurt a company's bottom line, through higher
distractions and absences, higher health-care costs and increased
stress," says Matthew Turvey, a psychologist and co-author of
the report.
The
programs are generally free or highly subsidized for workers. For
employers, lunch-and-learn sessions can cost several hundred dollars
for speakers, while short courses on relationship issues can cost
about $500 to $1,500. Marriage retreats can cost companies several
hundred dollars or more per couple, depending on the venue. Many
marriage trainers are psychologists or are certified to teach
marriage skills through programs often established by psychologists
or clergy members.
At
annual conferences that Chick-fil-A hosts for its franchise
operators, the Atlanta-based restaurant chain has seminars on topics
such as "How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage" and offers
marriage counselors for individual sessions with couples. The
company also makes available to its corporate staffers and
franchisees and their spouses Christian marriage training sessions
at a rural retreat in Georgia.
A
recent attendee was Karen Rogers, a Chick-fil-A property management
analyst who has been married for 17 years. "It's important to
take time away together, to focus on that relationship," she
says, adding that the session was in seminar form, not group
therapy. "They make it very safe. You're not up there spilling
the dirty marital laundry out in front of your co-workers." The
session was based on television show "The Amazing Race,"
and included segments on creating marital "teams."
PRC,
a sales outsourcing firm based in Plantation, Fla., recently hired
marriage trainer Sheryl Kurland to lead lunchtime sessions on
successful marriages and relationships in some offices. Ms. Kurland,
an author and speaker on marriage issues, says her sessions have no
religious overtones and are also open to gay and single employees.
In her presentation, she includes four ways to handle arguments that
work in most relationships. One idea is what she calls "your
department, my department." If one spouse, say, never picks up
the towels after a shower, you can nag him or her forever, or you
can just decide to pick it up yourself. "End of subject, end of
stress," says Ms. Kurland.
Workplace
marriage programs can be controversial. Tim Gardner, who runs the
Marriage Institute near Indianapolis, says several companies he has
approached have been cool to his offers to teach courses because
they fear marriage training programs could discriminate against
single or divorced employees, or gay couples. Other companies say
they have no business intruding in workers' personal lives.
Marriage
trainers say their courses aren't marriage counseling, but courses
that teach real skills, such as how to listen and communicate more
effectively, and how to defuse disagreements before they escalate
into full-blown conflicts.
"We're
not talking about getting everyone in a hot tub and sharing all
their problems," says Dr. Gardner. "It's a skills-based
set that benefits all sides."
One
thing Dr. Gardner teaches to clients such as Gregg Appliances is
that couples should set goals in their marriage. Some ideas: set up
a weekly date night or take a yearly vacation without the kids. Or
set up 10 minutes a day just to talk and catch up, without focusing
on scheduling or problem-solving or child-care logistics.
Some
employees at CommScope Inc., a telecommunications-equipment maker
based in Hickory, N.C., are working with Dr. Gardner on a
relationship-skills program called "Marriage@Work."
"When I first announced it to my region, people thought it was
a little too touchy-feely," says Steve Scattaregia, a regional
vice president for CommScope in Indiana. "I work for a company
that has given me a lot of latitude to try stuff like this."
**End
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______________________________________________________________________________
Our Director, Bob
Ruthazer, CFLE , a Certified Family Life Educator,
often “team teaches” healthy relationship skills
with, Dianne, his wife of 29 years and an experienced Marriage
Educator.
(804) 288-3431
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