You Can Work it out... Staying Married could be the
happiest solution
by Nanci Kulig
Prevention Magazine, January, 2003
Get happy without calling it quits.
Before you file for divorce, consider some surprising news
from the University of Chicago: In studies of 700 miserable,
ready-to-split spouses, researchers found that two-thirds of
those who stayed married were happy 5 years later.
They toughed out some of the most difficult problems a
couple can face, including alcoholism, infidelity, financial
straits, and serious illness. Their strategy? A mix of
stubborn commitment, a willingness to work together on
issues, and a healthy lowering of expectations. The
added benefit? They avoided the financial and emotional
stresses of divorce, which can be significant whether you
have children or not. "Couples with serious
problems managed to work them out," according to
researcher Linda J. Waite,
PhD, a sociologist at the university. One exception:
Physically violent couples were usually better off divorced.
If you'd like to give your marriage a second chance, Dr.
Waite suggests first identifying the roots of your
unhappiness. Is there a serious problem such as
infidelity or alcoholism? Boredom or emotional
distance? Or outside stresses: job, children's needs, or
financial pressures? Then, use one of these tools for
healing.
- Wait it out. With time, job situations improve,
children get older and become less demanding, and you can
develop a new perspective.
- Work on your marriage. See a marriage counselor, get
advice from friends and books, and make time for fun
together.
- Focus on your own happiness. Get social (join a book
club, choir, or tennis league, or volunteer at the local
food bank), or follow your personal bliss (take piano
lessons, learn a craft, whatever!). Your marital
problems may not go away, but having a source of personal
joy allows you to build a happy life, no matter what.
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