MONEY
MARRIAGE TIPS
Married
bli$$: Cash in on marriage and money tips
Northwest
Herald (Illinois)
March
11, 2008
By
GENEVA WHITE
Tying
the knot brings up many questions.
Melissa
Tosetti said it took three to five years of marriage before she and
her
husband were on the same page about finances. The editor and
publisher of
the
online magazine Budget Savvy, Tosetti said she tends to be frugal
with money.
Dog
or cat?
Kids
or no kids?
City
or suburbs?
Then
there are questions many couples might not be so quick to ask: Joint
or
separate
checking accounts? Retirement plan or poorhouse?
Discussing
money issues probably isn¹t your idea of romance and domestic
bliss.
But such talks are as important as picking out those china patterns,
financial
experts insist.
³Two
people can have very different money personalities,² said Eric
Tyson, a
financial
counselor and author of the book ³Let¹s Get Real About Money!
Profit
from the Habits of the Best Personal Finance Managers.² ³Sooner or
later,
these issues are going to have to manifest themselves.²
Tyson
recommends couples sit down and talk about what their goals and
dreams
are
in terms of money. One person in the relationship might be more of a
saver,
who¹s been carefully putting away funds for retirement. The other
person
might not be ready to think that far into the future.
³Be
careful not to attack each other,² Tyson said. ³If the Œsaver¹
says,
ŒOh,
you¹re so irresponsible,¹ obviously that¹s not going to be
productive
dialogue.²
Tyson
also suggests keeping a joint checking account. Separate accounts
can
create
problems such as secrecy, he said. Have a designated amount each
spouse
can spend, perhaps $100, without needing to consult the other
person.
³It¹s
generally best to manage things jointly,² Tyson said. ³A marriage
is a
partnership.
You¹re on the same team.²
Relationship
specialist Betty Lou Barsley-Marra said it¹s important to find
common
ground when it comes to finances. A family life educator for the
University
of Illinois Extension, Barsley-Marra
periodically teaches the
class
³How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk or Jerkette² in Kane and McHenry
counties.
³Part
of it is discovering how you both feel about being where you are
financially,²
Barsley-Marra said. ³If someone has bad credit and really
doesn¹t
see that as a major issue, and the other person feels very insecure
or
unsteady about it, then they¹re constantly going to fight.²
But
that doesn¹t mean you should chuck your husband or wife-to-be based
on
credit
scores. Both parties must be willing to work together to improve the
situation.
If the spouse with significant amounts of credit card debt
refuses
to do anything about it, that could lead to trouble, Barsley-Marra
said.
³Part
of what makes things difficult for marriage is when there¹s some
level
of
dissatisfaction in one or both people,² She said. ³That¹s when
people
start
to feel unhappy.²
Melissa
Tosetti said it took three to five years of marriage before she and
her
husband were on the same page about finances. The editor and
publisher
of
the online magazine Budget Savvy, Tosetti said she tends to be
frugal
with
money. At first, her husband was more excessive in his spending
until
Tosetti
won him over to what she jokingly calls ³the dark side.²
³Now
he knows he¹s got a certain amount of money,² said Tosetti, who¹s
based
in
Redwood City, Calif. ³He really budgets himself.²
Couples
must learn to be open with each other about money, Tosetti said.
Many
people find the issue difficult to discuss with their loved ones, no
matter
how close the relationship.
³We
are so willing to open ourselves up sexually or emotionally,²
Tosetti
said.
³But we tend to be embarrassed by our finances.²
Avoiding
major debt and staying on solid financial ground is healthy for a
marriage.
But Barsley-Marra said a couple doesn¹t have to be rich to be
happy
with each other.
³A
lot of money doesn¹t do it,² she said. ³It¹s being satisfied
with your
situation,
whatever it is.²
MONEY
DOS AND DON'TS
DO
start money talks now in your relationship if you haven¹t already.
It¹s
never
too late to start.
DON¹T
keep your bank account separate from your spouse¹s. Separate
accounts
can
lead to secrecy and other problems.
DO
be aware of your family¹s financial situation, even if your spouse
is
generally
the one who manages the money.
DO
set financial goals with your
spouse. See where the two of you can cut
spending.
Do you or your spouse really need that daily latte?
DON¹T
attack your partner when talking about money.
Source:
Eric Tyson, author of the book ³Let¹s Get Real About Money! Profit
from
the Habits of the Best Personal Finance Managers.²
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